I ended up quitting acting for spiritual reasons, not because it was hard but because I felt it drawing me away from God. So after my restrictive diet, I went wild. I binged on all things fat and sugar. I ballooned to about 155 pounds, the heaviest I have ever been. I stopped hearing that I was skinny, I got less and less looks from good looking strangers. I wasn't fat, but I was definitely heavier. One of my closest guy friends at the time told me I wasn't as "attractive as I used to be." Needless to say, we stopped being so close, but his words got me thinking about my weight a lot. My dad would comment on how fat I had gotten and that hurt the most. Once I was at a friend's house, he had stepped out for a few minutes to talk to his girlfriend. He left me alone with his brothers and friends, whom I had known for years but wasn't very close to. They began poking fun at my appearance, asking me if I was "storing up for the winter." This was the lowest I had ever felt in my life. I felt ugly.
I ended up shedding 10 pounds, so now I weigh in at 145. Sometimes, I can get down to 141 and sometimes I go up to 148, but I pretty much stay in this range, its been this way now for about five years. I don't get commented on about my weight anymore and I feel that I'm a pretty average size for an American.
The only Asian countries I have visited have been Singapore and Malaysia, which is where I am temporarily living at the moment. The first time I visited these places as an adult, I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb. I was taller and thicker than most of the girls there. When I tried on clothes, I was a large or extra large. I have large thighs and a big butt. Though this J.Lo bod may be desirable in the US, it is not here. Chinese girls are expected to be petite and slim. Well, you may say, "Jackie, how do you know this isn't all just in your head?" I know because practically every one of my relatives here (that's about 12 aunts and uncles and 14 cousins) have told me that I am "too big." Too big for Asia, land of the "skinny Asian girl." I have seen some larger girls here, but they are few and far between.
